I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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