Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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