I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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