After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
