Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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