Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
