well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
