A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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