I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
