My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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