Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
