I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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