Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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