Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
