The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
