haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
