if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
