you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
