My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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