Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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