I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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