fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I would ride that face into the sunset
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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