its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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