he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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