Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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