This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Randomize
