i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
