I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
