She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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