This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
