It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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