Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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