She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
