Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
