Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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