my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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