Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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