No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
