id be glad to
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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