so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
