I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
