By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
