Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
