I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
