took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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