also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
These tits shall not be calmed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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