Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
