Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
