next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
