PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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