he wants to bone in the snuggie
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
