What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
