We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
